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Time Loves a Hero
Hi Dolphin fans! The day that we've all been waiting for is quickly approaching. Can you feel the excitement? The NFL 2002 draft is about a week away. I have somehow managed to watch every single one for the last 8 years. (Hey, it's a long drought from the Superbowl to pre-season.)
I'll be planted on the sofa in front of the entertainment center. The pizza and chips will be on the coffee table. The beer and soda will be in the cooler beside the sofa on one side, my computer on the other side. The phone will be turned off. The wife and kids; locked out of the house. The dog muzzled. The world around me will cease to exist. I'll be set. Now all I have to do is wait for about 8 ½ hours or so before the Dolphins make their first selection....
Look on the bright side Fin fans. There is a lot you can accomplish in that 8 and ½ hours. Remember that leaky faucet you keep promising your wife that you'd fix? Or your kid's bicycle you've been meaning to repair? (Most 11 year olds have outgrown training wheels.) Hell, it's April! Time for "Spring Cleaning", right?
But there is football on TV you say. Well, kind of. Nothing more than a bunch highlight reels really. But it is football! You made it almost 2 months without any, and you cannot be expected to do chores when the "Other American Past-time" is on, no matter how inconsequential. If you don't get football soon, you may be forced to watch the Madden 2002 Demo play itself!
Well, how about something educational then? You could always buy the "Learn to Speak French" tapes. You could even watch the draft while listening to them. (It would be a lot more interesting than anything Mel Kiper has to say, right?) You might even learn enough French to finally understand the true comedic genius of Jerry Lewis!
We're rude and snobby enough without the French you say? Well, how about reading a book? Leo Tolstoy wrote some wonderful novels. Who doesn't enjoy reading about the comparisons of "the effeteness of a sophisticated young Muscovite with the vigorous and natural cossack life, portrayed with sympathy and profound poetic realism?" (The Cossacks, 1863.) Or you could really challenge yourself. The novel, "War and Peace" (1869) has only about 559 different characters in the story to keep track of. (Much more challenging than trying to keep stats on the measly 250 or so college players whose names will be called on draft day!)
I know. You could reintroduce your wife to romance! Remember when you were young teenagers in love? I know, I know, sex on a twin bed or in the backseat of a Camaro is absurd at your age. But when was the last time you held her hand? When was the last time you whispered "sweet nothings" in her ear? When was the last time that "foreplay" for you was more than simply slapping her ass?
Ok! Ok! She'll either suspect you've erred in some way (yet again), or worse, she'll expect this type of treatment more often. Ugh! (I'm lucky. My wife understands that romance does not exist between the months of August and January.) Well Pal, you are quickly running out of options. I guess you could do what I'll do. Eat pizza, drink beer, and tell yourself over and over "Ricky Williams is our 1st round pick. Ricky Williams is our 1st round pick."
-- Any similarities between the French and my "rude and snobby" comment are purely coincidental....
-- No, I'm really not a "Little Feat" fan.