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eÜphemism's Two Cents
Slow Nüz Day
02/04/03

One Tradition Ends - Another Continues
In case you missed it: Word is that the Dolphins will NOT hold their annual scrimmage with the Buccaneers. By winning the NFL Title, the Bucs guaranteed themselves a ticket to play in Japan this pre-season in a game where they will evidently face the Jets. This bit of scheduling evidently makes the likelihood of a Miami-Tampa scrimmage all but dead. What you can expect is that the Jets will beat the Bucs in that game and the New York fans will then immediately proclaim themselves the 2003 Pre-season Champs. Their demands that Tampa send along the Lombardi trophy will go unheeded.


Tuna Piano
Bill Parcells has been wincing every time a reporter reprises that old Troy Aikman melody, but Jerry Jones has been singing that song and asserting that Bill favors a veteran rather than Chad Hutchinson as his 2003 starter. Troy's manager, Leigh Steinberg, has merrily addressed all rumors, clucking out the old standards about Aikman being "interested in returning" to the "right situation." In plain-speak that means that Troy wants to play in 2003 for a team that is a contender and where he'd be the designated starter going into camp. Back in Dallas, they haven't even figured out what to do about Emmitt Smith, but Bill maintains that Jerry working the chart for that number.


Get Moochy
Steve Mariucci has now been announced as the Lion's new coach. Big surprise. Talk about obvious.... There's just no way that Millen was going to reverse his field and dump Mornhinweg without knowing in advance that he could land Mariucci -- Not after announcing in December that Marty was safe for another year. Presumably the phrase "Indian Giver" is no longer an acceptable way to describe this sort of welshing on a promise, but that's exactly what I'd call Matt Millen. If I was a Lion's fan I wouldn't care, but I think you can bank the idea that this deal was in the bag before the bullet left the gun, before Marty's limp body fell to the pavement. The only reason for the delay has been to provide a small sense of uncertainty to this conspiracy. They didn't even bother to pretend to interview other candidates -- not even any minority coaches. Sure proof of a fait accompli.

All-Star Moment
I didn't see much of the Pro Bowl, but I caught the best part. No, not Ricky scoring touchdowns. The best moment was hearing Peyton Manning call his team's kicker a drunken idiot. What a terrific TV moment -- hearing an NFL player actually tell you what he thought. That doesn't happen very often.

Ü


 Euphy's NFL 2002 Spreadsheet - An exclusive gift for visitors to JL's Dolphin Miami website!

For a second year, I put together an Excel Spreadsheet that will allow anyone with Excel software to track the 2002 NFL Schedule. The user simply enters the game scores week-by-week and is provided with running statistics and a quick reference of all the standings. This sheet is full of good information. It's a free download that NFL fanatics will really enjoy.

For anyone using the spreadsheet made available through JL's Dolphin Site, there is an error which causes the versus AFC and versus NFC records for teams to appear in the incorrect columns on the Individual Team sheet. If you wish to fix this error, cut 'n' paste (or type) the simple formulas below into the identified cells on that sheet.

Cell O6: =IF($E$2="AFC","NFC","AFC") Cell P6: =E2

Those two changes will reverse the headers so that the records listed are accurate. Sorry for the hack - next year's sheet should be even better than the 2002 version. For those using it, I welcome suggestions or comments about any mistakes you may spot.